


and now all your love will be exorcised

by writtenndust



Series: Amelia Song [5]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M, Gen, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-28
Updated: 2012-06-28
Packaged: 2017-11-08 18:30:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/446200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtenndust/pseuds/writtenndust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Amelia Age 21) <i>It was just a library and a whole lot of books.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of my non-linear Amelia Song series. Stories based on the life of River and the Doctor's daughter, Amelia Song.

Amelia wandered through the doors of the Tardis, dropping her tattered blue back-pack by the foot of the hatstand as she dashed towards her father’s open arms. He met her halfway, lifting her feet off the ground as he kissed her hair and hugged her so tight, she laughed that she couldn’t barely breathe.

“Where’s your mother?” He questioned as he placed her back on the ground, doing his best to adjust the curls that he’d ruffled with his hug. Though, she giggled when every attempt he made to brush her hair out of her eyes, only made her hair wilder until she swatted his hands away and did it herself.

“She said she’s got some work to do and that we should come back for her.”

The Doctor stopped halfway back to the console, whipping his head around and studying her intently as she fiddled with switches and poked at the typewriter.

“What work could she possibly have to do? Does she not realize that we live in a time machine, she can do her work later, or earlier, yesterday even!”

Amelia laughed at her father, peering at him through the time-rotor. “You know her better than I do, Dad, and you’re really questioning this?” She pressed her hands to the console, grinning excitedly. “Let’s have an adventure, just the two of us.”

The Doctor’s eyes narrowed as he began to wonder. River hadn’t ever passed up the chance for an adventure, even less likely for the chance of an adventure with both him and Amelia; to send Amelia with the message that she’d catch them up, was troubling to say the least. That she wouldn’t even come to tell him herself worried him. River was a headstrong, independent woman; he’d known that from the start, he’d known that from the very end. And he knew that the only reason she hadn’t come to tell him herself was because he’d have stopped her; or at least, tried with all his might.

“Amelia, what work does your mother have to do?” He asked and he could see in her eyes, that she’d caught on to his suspicion. She was a smart girl, his Amelia and she knew when something was array. His hearts were beating wildly in his chest and he knew that Amelia would be able to see his concern, his worry, and his fear. Though they’d been careful to make sure she’d never be able to quite understand, just what that particular fear was. They’d been so careful, to the point of loathing themselves.

“She’s on an expedition, she said she’d be back in a few days, we can pick her up then.” Amelia answered off-hand, distractedly flipping dials she knew the Tardis wouldn’t respond to.

“Amelia,” The Doctor dashed around the console, grabbing her arms and forcing her to face him. This was the moment, the moment he’d feared all of Amelia’s life. They’d talked about this day, when River had cradled Amelia to her chest as a baby, when they’d watched her play with River’s brother and sister amongst trees of crimson and gold in the gardens of Disneyland-Clom. They were careful about what they discussed, to save each other the spoilers, but when the day came that Amelia would be force to lose one or both of them, they’d be ready. He only realized just now, that he wasn’t prepared for it to be River that she lost. He’d always assumed, hoped for both their sakes that it’d be him. “What expedition?”

Amelia’s eyes were wide with fear; she’d never seen him this way, not in regards to her mother’s work. All she’d ever seen from him, in regards to what her mother did, was an air of detached amusement, mutterings of _wrong, wrong, mostly right, complete lie, wrong_ and just the faintest hint of his well-hidden pride.

“It’s for the Lux Corporation,” She stammered, seeing her father’s face tint with a mix of fury and fear. “She said that she’s going to The Library.”

The Doctor’s face fell. His eyes dropped to the floor and he stumbled back, letting his hands drop from Amelia’s arms as he slouched against the rail in defeat. “I thought we had more time.” He muttered, scrubbing his hand over his face. Amelia had never seen her father so broken. His power was gone, his pomp had disappeared. 

“Father, what’s wrong.” She asked timidly, reaching for him but he twirled away, marching across to the other side of the console, scratching his hands over his face, pacing as though he was trying to come up with one of his ridiculous plans. But there was nothing. He had no answer for this, no quick fix. 

He’d declared for all his eleven-hundred years, that time was not the boss of him, when in actual fact, it was only time; time that controlled him, time that tortured him, time that teased him. It was time that would take her from him, time that _had_ taken her from him. And in his heartache, he knew not what to do.

He hadn’t planned to be the one left behind. He hadn’t planned for Amelia to ever have to live without her mother. But time was a cruel mistress; she’d taken so much from him already, why not River? What was one more to torture his soul? Time was testing him, seeing how long it would take for him to crack; she was waiting to see what it was that would bring the darkness forward. But time was a fool and she didn’t know what she was playing with.

“Nothing,” He stated, lying to his daughter’s face. She knew it, of course. The great liar hadn’t ever fooled her, but she knew when to press and she knew when to take the lie and hold it to her chest. He father was keeping something from her and no amount of prodding was going to get it out of him. “Let’s,” He grinned, dashing to the flight controls. “Let’s go see her before she goes.”

“She’s already left.”

The Doctor winked. “Time machine.”


	2. Chapter 2

“We’re going to take her somewhere special,” He danced around the controls, flicking switches with a flourish as he twirled on the spot. “She works too hard, your Mum.” He threw Amelia a wink over his shoulder and she giggled, joining him at the console.

“Maybe you should get a haircut then, if it’s such a special occasion.” She eyed him and the Doctor looked up, his forehead wrinkling as he tried to see his own hair.

“Good idea, Amelia, and whilst we’re at it, I think I’ll get a new suit. You should find something nice to wear too, there’s a dress-code where we’re going. Run along into the wardrobe and find something pretty for yourself and your mother. Remember, she likes blue.”

Amelia rolled her eyes as she made her way up the stairs. “How could I forget, Dad? All the Tardis ever gives her is blue. I swear, she’s trying to make Mum look like her.”

The Doctor smiled softly, running his hand along the console in a gentle caress. Amelia noticed his face change from one of excitement, to one of quiet contemplation. She could see a pain there that she didn’t recognize, something from deep in her father’s soul that scared her just a little bit. “She really loves your Mum.” He almost whispered, leaning into the console as if to embrace the old girl if he could. “Maybe even more than she loves me.”

Amelia didn’t respond, she didn’t know how; her father had gone silent as he watched the time rotor moving up and down, listening to the gentle breathing of the Tardis – or what she liked to refer to, as the Tardis breathing – and he looked so lost; he looked so old. She’d never seen her father look so much like his heart was broken and she didn’t understand it. Her mother was going to the Library - so large it didn’t have a name, it was just ‘The Library’ – and she was going to be leading an expedition. There wasn’t anything unusual or unexpected about that. There wasn’t anything new or scary about it. 

It was just a Library and a whole lot of books.

**

With her little blue diary in her lap and a half-packed duffle bag sitting lop-sided in the corner of her room, River sat with her legs tossed over the arm of her favourite chair. She’d been dozing for the last half hour, her head of wild curls rested on the back of the chair. Amelia had long since gone to bed and she was reading about their adventures with the Doctor. She read about Amelia’s tenth birthday, the weeping angels, Utah and the little girl in the cell next to hers when she was a child. She remembered it vividly, the Doctor appearing out of no-where, whispering to her through the bars and telling her that she needed to be brave, before he whisked the child away and left her there in the dark and the cold. She’d never hated him for it and for so much of her life, she couldn’t work out why.

She knew now. And it made her smile.

River sat up straighter in her chair, listening to the sound of the wind outside in the trees. She expected to hear a noise, that very distinct noise that brought tears to her eyes when she hadn’t heard it in so long. Somehow, she knew that she should hear it, but it was nothing but breeze and rustling tree leaves.

She was there though. She was reaching out, she was kissing River’s mind with all the love and affection she had since she was a baby and she’d had to reach across all of time and space, to soothe her as a one-eyed woman dragged her away from her family. She was that constant, steady presence that had sent her whispers and promises of a future worth surviving for. She was there, in the garden, River knew it; but for some reason she hadn’t made a noise and River wondered if maybe, she hadn’t wanted to wake Amelia. 

But why?

She placed her diary down on the side table, gingerly making her way to the window and pushing the curtains aside. Sure enough, that beautiful girl was sitting right in the centre of her garden, the lights of her ‘Police Box’ sign illuminated in glowing white and she smiled as she heard the chime of the door bell.

She dashed down the stairs, two at a time, not caring for how eager she seemed. She swung the door open, her smile broad and her eyes aglow. 

The Doctor stood there, his hair trimmed and his suit pressed. He wore a brand-new tweed with a softer stitch in a darker shade and his bow-tie was a vibrant red. “Hello, my love.” He breathed out and River grinned wider, throwing her arms around him as though she hadn’t seen him in years. In truth, they’d been linear since Amelia was born, always meeting in the right order, as long as Amelia was around. She’d never thought it strange or disconcerting; she only took it as a gift and appreciated it for its simplicity. She didn’t like to imagine the alternative.

“What are you doing here, Doctor, I didn’t think you were coming for another week.” She grinned, clearly not disappointed with the change. The Doctor glanced down at his watch, shrugging his shoulders as he moved in closer to her and kissed her nose.

“A little birdie told me you were going on a trip.” He smiled down at her, his hands pressed to her waist as her arms came up to rest on his shoulders.

“The little birdie wouldn’t happen to be in the Tardis, would she?”

“We’re taking you somewhere special. I didn’t want to wake Amelia, because that’d be awkward.” He grinned and River’s eyes lit up with knowledge as she noticed her daughter’s head pop out the Tardis doors, as she looked over his shoulder.

River opened her mouth to protest, she had packing to do and things to organize. Half of her team still hadn’t confirmed their participation and it was getting awfully close to their date of departure. She needed to work, but her daughter and husband were beckoning her with and adventure and she always found it so hard to refuse.

“Please, my love,” The Doctor’s voice sounded almost pleading and River only then, noticed the look in his eyes. “I need to do this, for you.” She studied him so closely, the age in his eyes and the tears left unshed. He was hurting, the pain as distinguishable to her as moon in the sky.

“Oh course, Sweetie,” She nodded, swallowing hard and wrapping her arms around him as tightly as she could.

He reached down and grabbed her hand, entwining her fingers with his as he pulled her toward the Tardis. Amelia was waving from inside the doors and River looked up to her bedroom window briefly, seeing that the light was still out and hoping that her Amelia upstairs would continue to sleep soundly and never know she was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

“You look beautiful,” The Doctor smiled warmly, holding out his hand and waiting for River to take it. He studied her intently, the way her hips swayed with the movement of her feet, how the satiny fabric of the dress Amelia had chosen, gripped tightly to her waist and caressed her figure; every dip and every curve, touched with Tardis blue silk. Her hair was out and loose and the curls, bouncy and free, like wildfire spreading with abandon, its reddish tinge a refreshing change to her signature blonde.

“Thank you, sweetie.”

The Doctor’s pride over her coy blush, did not go unnoticed by either her or their daughter, who’d dashed ahead of them in the hopes of securing a spot down by the glistening water’s edge. They both watched her dance ahead; the Doctor’s attention momentarily distracted from noting everything about his wife that he loved.

They watched Amelia, as they strolled hand in hand. She was all grown up; a woman. She was tall and beautiful and as deadly as her mother, if push came to shove. She had thoughts and ideals and imagination. She had friends and knowledge and a first love waiting in 21st Century Colchester, England. She wasn’t his baby anymore and as he looked down to River, he realized that he was losing them both.

Amelia was gleefully dancing away, with light in her eyes and a spring in her step, as all children must. But River, oh his River; he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side. River didn’t fight it, wrapping her arm around his waist and smiling against his chest as she felt his lips on the crown of her head. His River was slipping through his fingers. And he knew that no matter what he did, he wasn’t going to be able to hold on to her tight enough.

Amelia spun on the spot, seeing them lagging behind and hurriedly waved them over as the lights over the city dimmed and the waters stilled. The Doctor lowered himself to the plush grass, holding River’s hand as she sat down beside him and rested her head on his shoulder. “Thank you for this, sweetie. It’s beautiful here.”

“Wait until you hear them sing.” He smiled, kissing her temple and winking an eye at his daughter before she turned around. The towers started to glow with ethereal beams of golden light and he felt River’s silent gasp against his side; he knew exactly what she was thinking. It looked much like regeneration energy; that slow, beautiful, gradual glow of golden ribbons, twisting and twirling through the sky. The sound entered their minds almost unnoticeably at first, filtering in like warmth through the skin before it changed and grew and filled their minds with beauty.

“Telepathic,” River whispered, pressing her back further into his chest as she sighed in deep contentment. She was right, he smiled to himself. The music of the singing towers was telepathic, silent to all but those with the ability to hear it. The colours in themselves were beautiful and they could see couples nestled together on the darkened banks of the lake, watching the sky as though it were on fire.

But it was the small family of Time-lords, huddled close together on that beach; River’s back against the Doctor’s chest and her hand, clasped tightly in Amelia’s, that could hear the towers for what they were. Stunning.

The Doctor buried his face in River’s hair, his arms wrapped around her so tightly that she couldn’t turn, but she could feel his body shaking with sobs. “Sweetie,” She pressed her hands to his, over her stomach. “What’s wrong?”

He sniffed. “Nothing, just listen to the towers.”

“No,” She demanded quietly, pushing against him until he allowed her to sit up and turn. When she met his eyes, his face fell and he looked down into his lap, tears staining his cheeks with ghastly tracks. “What’s wrong? Tell me.” She pressed her fingers beneath his chin and raised his face to meet hers. “Please, my love?”

The Doctor followed the line of her jaw with his fingers and the shape of her features with his eyes. From her reddish curls that framed her face, untarnished and un-aged, to her soft blue eyes, watching him with worry and confusion. “I love you,” He whispered and River blinked, staring at him. “I barely ever tell you that, River, but it’s true. I do love you. I’ve loved you since Utah, since my Utah. And we’re all timey-whimey and I know that you were already pregnant then, but it was so early for me and I did love you. I couldn’t work out why, River,” He breathed, running his fingers through her hair, his nails scraping along the back of her neck as she pressed her eyes closed and felt the warmth of his touch and the lilting melody of the Towers, inside her mind. “But I did love you. Somehow, I always have. I just want you to know that.”

A tear escaped River’s eye and the Doctor noticed Amelia edging further away. She was trying to give her parents some privacy, she was trying to pretend that she was fixated on the towers, but he knew different. She was listening to every word and he could see a tear escape from the corner of her eye.

“It’s almost like you’re saying goodbye, my love. But I’m not going anywhere.” River tilted her head, smiling warmly, comfortingly and the Doctor pulled her into his arms. She went willingly, closing her eyes again, when he kissed her forehead.

“I’ll never say goodbye to you, River.” She heard him choke back a sob as he let the words leave his lips and she knew he wasn’t telling her the whole truth. He’d said that nothing was wrong, but he was a liar and so was she, so she didn’t push him. He’d tell her if he could, if it would make a difference, but clearly, it wasn’t bound to.

A chill touched the air and ahead of them, River noticed Amelia starting to shiver. “Come on, let’s go home.” She spoke softly and Amelia turned, grinning at her parents as she stood, dusting off her skirt.

**

Back inside the Tardis, Amelia disappeared to her room the moment they were through the doors and both the Doctor and River smiled, knowing their intuitive daughter was giving them space. River wasn’t entirely sure what was going on with the Doctor, but she knew that he wasn’t likely to express whatever fears were plaguing him, with Amelia still in the room. He was her hero, her protector, her Dad. He couldn’t appear weak before her, he wouldn’t. He tried his hardest not to. 

“I’ll drop you back a few minutes after we picked you up, so that Amelia doesn’t know you were ever gone.”

River smiled up at him through her eyelashes. “Thank you, sweetie.”

“Here,” He wandered around the console, twirling between his fingers, what looked like a sonic screwdriver. But it was different. “Take this with you, on your expedition, you’ll need it.”

“Will I?” River smirked, touching the small device with reverence. 

“Spoilers.” He smiled solemnly and River nodded. 

“I could probably use your help, with the expedition.” She shrugged and the Doctor tucked his hands in his pockets, rocking on the balls of his feet and nodded his head.

“Send me a message if you do. You know I’ll come.”

“Yeah, I do.” She nodded, licking her lips. The sound of the Tardis landing filled their ears and River looked around to the door, knowing that she was home and feeling a cold sense of dread as she looked back to the Doctor. His eyes were blood-shot from the tears he’d shed on Darilium and his shoulders were hunched over. Not the normal stature of his over-pompous self. It made her nervous. 

“I feel like this is the end of something.” She laughed sadly and the Doctor smiled, reaching out to her. He pulled her towards him by her hands, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and hugging her into his chest.

“It’ll never be over for us, River. One of us will always be just starting. River, we’re the lords of time, you and I. Somewhere in time, you’re in Berlin, killing me and I’m on Alphalpha Matraxis, saving you from the Weeping Angels. We’re a never-ending circle, you and I, and because of this, I’ll never say goodbye to you. In some form or another, we’ll always meet again. I do not fear the end, River.”

“What if I do, my love?”

The Doctor smiled, kissing her forehead and holding her far enough away that he could see into her eyes. “You don’t. I know what you fear River, because I fear it too. But know that, I will always love you. When we’re both legends and the stories of our adventures are lost in time, I’ll still love you. Somewhere, I’ll still be running with you. And somewhere else entirely, we’ll be teaching Amelia to walk and sing her Gallifreyan lullabies.” She laughed through tears, at his words. “Don’t be afraid, Melody Pond.” He brushed a curl away from her face. “Because you are magnificent.”

River nodded, taking a deep breath and pushing up on her tiptoes to kiss his lips, long and tender and loving. She wrapped her arms around his neck and she could taste the salt of his tears on her lips, but she didn’t mention it. “I love you,” She breathed, the long syllables of his real Gallifreyan name falling from her lips in a breathless, barely audible whisper, against his mouth. 

She stepped away from him, holding onto his hand just that little bit longer as she made her way down the stairs. “Tell Amelia I love her.”

“I will.” He nodded, feeling her fingers fall from his for the very last time.

She wasn’t stupid, the Doctor knew. He couldn’t tell her why his heart was breaking, but he knew she’d have a fairly good idea. His River was clever and he knew that she’d have worked out by now, that even though he’d promised he never would, a part of him had been saying goodbye that night. 

She would see him again. And he had to stop himself from telling her not to go. 

She was two steps from the door when he had to physically turn away to stop himself from calling out to her, throwing himself forward and blocking the door. He could lock her up in the Tardis, he could tell her that she couldn’t ever leave. He could keep her safe. But the universe would be irrevocably altered if he did. He was a selfish man, he could justify the choice. But he knew she’d never forgive him for sacrificing the chance that Amelia could live.

There was no telling what would happen, if she didn’t die that day. Her death was a fixed point, like his. She had to die for him, because he needed to walk away from that library that day. If she hadn’t have died for him, he’d have never met her. He’d have never married her and he’d have never loved her. 

He pressed his hand to his mouth, watching her step through the doors, blowing him a kiss over her shoulder as she stepped through and closed the doors behind her. The Doctor’s legs gave way beneath him and his mind reached out to the Tardis to take them somewhere, anywhere but there. He fell to the floor of the Tardis as she shifted into flight and he didn’t hear Amelia’s footsteps on the stairs. He didn’t realize she was at his side, until he felt her arms around his back; holding him as he heaved and shook, trying to breathe through the guilt.

“Dad, it’s alright. It’s going to be alright.”

He had to tell her. But he couldn’t.

“No, Amelia, it’ll never be alright again.” Because he let her walk away. He waved goodbye and he sent her to her death; he sent her off to meet a fate he knew to be far, far worse. He sent her to a him that didn’t know her and he knew, he knew just how greatly she’d feared that day. He’d sent her anyway.


	4. Chapter 4

Amelia dashed around the console, away from her father. The Doctor’s shoulders were hunched as he followed her, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, but he couldn’t exactly contain his own anguish as River had left. In a fit of painful loss, he’d told her everything that he could. It was selfish and it was self-serving, to rid himself of it; to shake out that pain and share it, to spare himself the weight. It made him feel like a failure as a father, watching the tears pouring from her eyes as she flipped switches and turned dials, hurtling the Tardis through the vortex, just the way he’d been teaching her since she was tall enough to reach the controls.

“I don’t believe you.” She whimpered, without meeting his eyes. “She can’t be dead. I won’t ever believe that.”

“I’m sorry, Amelia.” His voice was soft and without fight. That faint lilt of resignation in his tone. He’d accepted the unacceptable; it wasn’t like him at all.

“You’re the Doctor!” She spat, finally looking up at him. “You’re her husband, you love her!” She stomped towards him and the pain in her eyes was almost too much for his hearts to bear. “You’re my Dad.” She whimpered the last. “How can you let this happen?”

“There’s a lot more to it that you understand, Amelia.”

“What don’t I understand, Dad? That you let her walk out of here, knowing she was going to die? How am I supposed to understand that?”

The Doctor chewed on his bottom lip. There wasn’t much he could say, because their lives and timelines were so intertwined, but yet, so jumbled up. He couldn’t promise her the whole truth, when he didn’t even have it himself. He couldn’t prove to her that things would be alright, if he knew in his hearts, that they couldn’t be; not without River. It had taken him hundreds of years to work that out; he couldn’t expect Amelia to do it in a moment.

“I don’t believe you, I won’t believe you.” Her voice was stern and determined as she pulled the lever and the Tardis lurched. The Doctor’s eyes widened and he launched himself towards her, pushing away from the rail and grasping for the controls.

“What have you done?!”

“I’m going to the Library to see Mum and prove you’re a liar.”

The Doctor’s face reddened and his eyes bulged. He couldn’t let her do that, he couldn’t see it again. Worse yet, he couldn’t cross his own timeline; he’d done that too often already. “I am a liar, Amelia, you know that; but never to you and not about this!” The Tardis lurched again as he tried to redirect her, but the old girl seemed to have other plans. After all, River was her child as much as she was Amy’s and he had no doubts the Tardis would always go to her, if she could. There was no stopping either of them now and all he could do was hold on.

The Tardis dropped out of the Vortex suddenly, sending Amelia and the Doctor hurtling forward into the console, before screeching to her usual halt. Amelia dashed for the doors, whilst the Doctor dragged the monitor around so that he could see outside. 

“Amelia wait!” He shouted and to his relief, she did. Turning back to him, with her hand on the doorknob, she waited. He made his way down the steps, moving closer and closer, seeing the look of abject fear on his daughter’s face. He hadn’t ever hated himself more, than in that moment. The moment his daughter learned to blame him. The moment his only living child, learned to despise him. “Don’t go out there.” He breathed, wrapping his long fingers gently around her wrist and attempting to remove her hand from the handle.

“I need to see her,” She sobbed. “I need to know that you’re wrong.”

“I’m not wrong, dear, you know that.”

“You have to be.” She choked out, pulling away from him and launching herself through the doors before he could even take a breath. “Amelia NO!” He screamed, stumbling out after her, only to hit his chest to her back as they both froze, staring ahead of them.

“How _dare_ you.”

Amelia stepped back a little, feeling her Dad’s chest against her shoulder-blades as her mother stormed towards them, waving her finger; her face red with rage.

“You knew! And you brought her here?” She hissed, lowering her voice as the man cuffed to the post a few feet away, moaned but didn’t stir. Amelia was all of a sudden confused. She felt her father’s fingers on her upper arms and realized she was being moved out of the way. She went without protest, moving to her father’s side as he stepped in closer to her mother. It was only then, as they moved closer together, that she realized her mother’s tears.

They were quite a sight. The three of them, tears streaking their faces and none of them meant to be there at all. “She didn’t want to believe it, River.” He sighed, brushing his fingers gently along her cheek. “And frankly, neither do I.”

“I love you.” She smiled through her tears, looking up at him. 

“And I, you. More than I thought I could.”

Amelia stared at them, her heart breaking over the very clearly unspoken goodbye. But what she couldn’t understand was that they were there, her mother was standing right there in her father’s arms, the Tardis was behind them and there was a clock counting down. Time wasn’t the boss of them, that’s what he’d always taught her. They could run away, they could still run away.

“Come on, Mum, let’s go home.” Amelia reached for her mother’s hand, pulling her out of her father’s arms. But she only managed to get a few steps before River dug her heels in.

“No sweetheart.”

Amelia whirled around. “What?”

“No.” Her smile was filled with love, but also pain. And in the depth of those blues they shared, she could see the guilt. “This is how it has to be, darling.”

Amelia sobbed. “No.”

“Yes. One day you’ll understand. You know how time works.” She sighed. “I’d like to believe that we’ve taught you well. But we can’t change this, Amelia. This has to happen. I have to die here.”

“But why?” River brushed a curl from Amelia’s eyes.

“Because that man,” She pointed down to the man in the pinstripe suit, chained to the post. “That’s your Dad.” Mirth passed through her eyes as she noticed Amelia’s surprise. “He has to live through this, Amelia. It’s the way it has to be.”

“But how can that be?”

“My last regeneration,” The Doctor nodded and Amelia looked over her shoulder at him, before turning back to her mother. “Very young version of me. Your mum saved my life. She’s going to save it now.”

“I have to do this, Amelia and I need you to trust me on this. Now go,” She pushed Amelia towards the Doctor. “Take her, my love, take her away from here.”

“River,” He begged, pulling Amelia into his chest but River just turned away, making her way back to the chair that he remembered so vividly. The past version of himself was slowly waking, his head lulling from side to side as he moaned more frequently.

“Go!” She insisted, sitting in the chair and grabbing for the wires. “He can’t see her and I don’t want her to see this, take her away!”

“No, mother!” Amelia shouted as the Doctor forced her back into the Tardis. She screamed and she kicked at him; she fought him the entire way. Her hair flew about them, wild with rage like her hearts. He managed to get the doors closed behind them and locked them with his sonic before he let go of her, letting her take out her anger on the doors, kicking them and punching them. When she realized that wasn’t going to work, she flew after him, punching at his back and screaming at him to take them back. An image of River appeared on the screen, she was speaking to his younger self with tears in her eyes. She raised that ugly crown of death to her head and with one final whisper, that he remembered to this day, with one final-first breath of ‘spoilers’ light filled the room and shook the Tardis as she dematerialized, knocking her askew into the Vortex.

“Take us back!” Amelia shouted, punching him, pushing at levers, trying to get them to turn around. He tried his hardest to ignore her, shaking her off him and directing the Tardis to take them somewhere Amelia would be safe. He thought of Leadworth and her grandparents and with a heavy heart, he aimed for a time in which they’d understand. Letting the Tardis land on her own, the Doctor wrapped his arms around Amelia, holding her tight to his chest as she continued to thrash and wail, punching his chest until her tears were too many and her energy spent. “Please,” She begged. “Take us back.” 

“We can’t go back, sweetheart. I know you understand that.”

“I don’t want to understand it, Dad. I just want her here.”

“So do I, my love, so do I.”

**

Amy heard the sound of the Tardis materializing in the back garden and dropping her tea to the coffee-table, letting it spill just a little in her haste, she dashed out the back doors. The glow from the light above that brilliant blue box lit up the yard as she appeared. Though when the doors opened and the Doctor appeared Amy’s heart broke.

“What’s happened?” She questioned, taking her sobbing granddaughter from the Doctor’s arms.

“It’s a long story, Pond.” The Doctor frowned and Amy held Amelia tight to her chest, the girl who wasn’t much younger than herself, clutching her cardigan helplessly in her fingers, turning her knuckles white.

“Mum’s dead.” Amelia sobbed, burying her face in her grandmother’s chest and Amy looked up at the Doctor in shock. 

“What?!” She exclaimed and the Doctor’s face fell, his eyes cast down to the ground. “Doctor, explain this to me.”

“I don’t think I can, Amy.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” She glared at him and the accusation in her eyes burned him. “You knew this was coming, didn’t you?” She turned her body against him, hugging Amelia to her chest as if to shield her and the Doctor’s hearts broke. They blamed him. They didn’t want to but they couldn’t help it and he wasn’t surprised. There was no one else to blame. From the moment River was born, the Doctor had corrupted her life; bleeding through every aspect of her existence. 

He blamed himself.

He’d had years to think of a way to save her and all he’d managed to come up with was what she’d already shown him. He’d failed her. He’d had hundreds of years to mull it over, to think of a way to save her. But he’d failed her. Of all the people in all the worlds, he hadn’t been able to save the most precious.

Amy’s voice shocked him out of his reverie, his blood-shot eyes shooting up to meet hers and immediately, he could see the pain. “Come inside.” Her voice was stone, but he didn’t really blame her. She was twenty-five years old and her grown grand-daughter had just fallen, sobbing, into her arms over the death of her mother – her grown daughter; the child she’d given birth to, not a year ago as far as she was concerned. And she was fighting so hard against hating him.

He only hoped Rory would fight so hard.

**

The Doctor sat at the Pond’s dining-room table with his head buried in his hands. His shoulders scrunched up as he reigned in sobs. He could feel Rory’s eyes on him, as the man sat across from him, completely silent. Rory’s hands were pressed firmly to the cotton table-cloth, just watching the Timelord ahead of him. Neither man could meet the eye of the other; the Doctor out of guilt and pain, Rory out of sheer force of will.

They could both hear the tear-filled mutterings of Amelia in the room beyond; Amy attempting to console her.

“She’s really dead?” He questioned and it wasn’t the first time the Doctor had heard the tone of a devoted father, on Rory’s lips.

“She is.”

“And you knew it was coming?”

The Doctor lowered his hands to the table slowly; tentatively meeting Rory’s eyes. They were completely blank, devoid of emotion and the Doctor understood why. If Rory showed anything right now, he’d be completely broken and he knew the Centurion would never do that to Amy or Amelia.

“Death comes to us all,” He whispered, opening his mouth to continue as he breathed in a sigh, but Rory cut him off.

“Not her and apparently not you. She was supposed to be like you,” The Doctor flinched at the harshness of his tone. “She was supposed to outlive us all.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Rory snapped. “You didn’t kill her, did you?”

“No, but-“

“Then don’t apologize to me. My daughter is dead, Doctor, don’t go accepting all the blame; wallowing in self-pity while your daughter suffers.”

“She doesn’t understand,” The Doctor whispered, so uncharacteristically sombre and Rory’s expression softened.

“She’s not stupid, Doctor. Tell her properly and she will understand.”

The Doctor shook his head vehemently. “No, she won’t. There’s so much we didn’t tell her. And so much that we probably should have. We didn’t tell her about Berlin, or Utah, we didn’t tell her about so much. We didn’t want to frighten her; we didn’t want her to ever know...this.” He gestured between them and Rory got the message. River and the Doctor had been protecting their daughter from knowing that one day; it was inevitable that she’d lose one or both of them to time. But for their combined age, they were both so naive, even Rory could see that. It was bound to happen, this way or another and Rory would have preferred they save their daughter the pain of being hit with it full-force. He couldn’t blame them though, because they’d been acting with such a love few in the universe could understand. 

A love not only for their child, but the last of their long-dead people.

The sound of footsteps reached them; a fast staccato on the hard-wood floors of the hallway as a flash of blonde and red blew past them. The door into the back-garden flew open and the Doctor knew it was Amelia; rocking the dining table as he dashed after her.

He could see in Amy’s eyes as he ran past her that his young friend had tried valiantly to console his daughter and failed. He didn’t blame her. Amelia was River’s life; he never expected Amelia to feel any less in return for her Mother. He knew in his hearts, there was absolutely nothing that was going to heal the gaping wound in his daughter’s soul.

“Amelia!” He shouted, chasing her out into the yard. But she was too quick. She flew through the doors of the TARDIS and before he could make it down the back steps, his beloved ship was already de-materializing. “No.” He breathed before breaking into a sprint. But he was no Jack Harkness and he knew there was no way he could grab a hold of the side of his beautiful box and follow her into the vortex.

Instead, he dropped to the grass in the middle of Amy and Rory’s yard with tears in his eyes, making them glisten in the moonlight. He set his knees in the damp earth and looked up into the skies, waiting for his daughter’s return.

She may run from him and hate him and blame him, but he knew that when she was ready, he could trust the TARDIS to bring her back to him.

***

Initially the TARDIS fought her but Amelia wasn’t giving up. She tried to convey to her, her desperation, but the old girl grumbled and groaned until she rested her palms on the console and looked up at the rotor with sunken, tired shoulders. 

“You can see my mind.” She whispered, and the TARDIS stilled.

“You have been able to since before I was born. You used to sing to me, remember?” The TARDIS hummed happily and Amelia chuckled softly. “You know my mind and you know what I hope to do. But I need your help. I can’t do this alone.” She breathed, pressing her eyes closed as if in prayer. “You love her as much as I do. Please, help me save her?”

Amelia shuddered and struggled to keep her footing as immediately, her mind flooded with images too bright and too out of order to follow. A grand dining hall and her parents huddled together on marbled stairs; a German city and her mother wrapping her father in a golden ball of light. “I don’t understand.” She gasped, breathless and spent from the effort of thinking the images into a straight line. 

The TARDIS spun out of Amelia’s control. Levers moved of their own accord and all she could do was hold onto the console as they flew through the vortex, their destination unknown. “Where are we going?” She shouted through the main room, her voice echoing off the walls when she realized it was the first time she’d ever been in the TARDIS alone and in flight. No mother, no father and her parents were trapped at two different ends of the universe.

Lords of time, stuck in one place. Her hearts constricted at the thought of what she’d done to her father, by running away.

But she couldn’t stop. She needed to know where the TARDIS was taking her and she needed to figure out a way to fix what had happened to her mother.

***

Amelia dropped against the console as the ship came to a groaning halt, gritting her teeth at it made the sound her father loved so much. She shook her hair from her eyes, trying to brush the curls away from her face as suddenly, the doors to the TARDIS burst open and a familiar face appeared. 

“Doctor, honestly, I don’t know how many times I’ve-” She stopped short, staring at Amelia who stared straight back, blinking rather rapidly. “Hello.”

“Hello, I-”

“Where is the Doctor?” She took a few steps towards the console, smiling kindly as she did; though in her eyes Amelia could see an emptiness that pulled at her hearts. This woman, this living, breathing, beautiful woman, didn’t recognize her. “Do you travel with him? He didn’t tell me about you.”

“I-” Amelia hesitated, knowing enough about causality to know there was little she could say to this woman that would clear the air. “Sort of. Yes,” She smiled nervously. “In a way, I do.”

“Oh, well then, lovely to meet you, I’m River.” She held her hand out and Amelia tentatively took it. “What is your name?”

Amelia knew that as soon as she said it, alarm bells would chime in her mother’s mind so instead, she deflected. “You’re his wife?”

River chuckled and for a moment, blushed. “Well,” She smirked. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. I suppose that means he’s told you about me?”

“Oh yes, doesn’t really stop, honestly.” Amelia found herself honestly smiling; loving the brief moment of frankness she could afford her.

"Oh really?" River grinned; that blushing grin of a woman so recently in love; Amelia blanched. This was her mother, but yet it wasn't. "What has he said?" This was her mother insecure and in love. This was her mother young and it twisted her hearts in knots.

"Just that you're wonderful. He told me stories about you, about things that you've done together. But he said sometimes some things he's done, you haven't done yet."

"That's true.”

"Do you have your diary with you?"

"My diary?" River blinked. "Oh! My diary," She blushed, pulling it from her coat pocket. "I forget I’ve got it on me half the time. But it was a gift from the Doctor, so I always do."

Amelia nodded, grinning. "What was the last thing you did?"

She watched her closely as she flipped a few pages into the book. The spine was straight and barely broken, the seams missing their characteristic splits. The blue was pristine and the faded corners from excess love and wear weren't there. It was brand new.

Amelia's two hearts broke into a million little pieces at the sight of that book.

"Ah, we just did Halderon Beta." Amelia's ears perked up. She remembered her mother talking about that. The stars in her father's eyes and the giant tree. It had been their first adventure together after they were married. She hadn't heard many stories really, from before that. Her mother had always gone silent when she'd asked and her father had changed the subject. Excellent at deflecting questions, her parents. Terrible liars. "Why do you ask?"

"Just curious." Amelia shrugged and she could feel River's eyes burning through her.

"Where is he?"

"He's not here."

"You're in the TARDIS alone?"

"Um..." Amelia hesitated. "-yes."

"I wasn't aware anyone else knew how to fly her."

"We have a special relationship."

For a moment, in her eyes, she thought she may have seen a hint of jealousy and purely on reflex, she reached for River's hands. She hadn't been expecting the jolt that shot through her as they touched. Amelia's vision went white for a moment and all of a sudden, her mind was filled to the very edges with her mother's confusion and the TARDIS filling all the gaps. Both of them, flooding her senses and taking over.

She heard River gasp, tugging on her hand as the TARDIS plucked out images at what felt like random, showing them to Amelia, clearly trying to tell her something.

Both women flew apart, their curls as wild as each other's, shooting out in all directions as they landed on the ground. "What was that?" River shrieked.

"I," Amelia staggered over her words. The images the TARDIS had given her before, of her mother and father and the golden ribbons of light, suddenly made sense. "you," She met River's eyes; her amazement clear on her face. She smiled, her heart filling with pride and love for this woman's never-ending life of sacrifice. "You saved him."

River shuddered. "Why would she show you that?" She breathed.

"Because it was what I needed to see." Amelia crawled over to her mother, grasping for her hands. River flinched away but seemed genuinely relieved when they touched and their minds stayed their own.

"You're not just his companion, are you?" She asked; her hazel eyes studying Amelia with a new knowledge.

She swallowed. "No, I'm not."

"I will understand one day, won't I?" She seemed almost afraid and Amelia reached for the ends of her hair, fiddling with a curl that rested against her cheek. 

"Oh, you will." She promised. "But you have to go now."

"But the Doctor-"

Amelia smiled. "The Doctor will come for you soon. Don't forget to put this in your diary."

"I will." River nodded, climbing to her feet and stumbling a little as she moved backwards to the door. She rested her hand on the door-knob, looking intently at Amelia before licking her lips and taking a deep breath. “But before I go?”

“Yes?” Amelia smiled.

“Tell me who you are?”

“My name is Amelia.”

River blinked. “That’s my mother’s name.”

Amelia winked. “I know.”

River’s eyes narrowed. “Who are you?”

“Spoilers.” Amelia grinned widely, liking the sound of that word on her lips. Her Mother and Father had taunted each other with it all her life, but she’d never quite understood the power of it, until now. It was a heady, all encompassing power that came with knowing all the wonderful days that were coming for this young version of the woman that had given her life so much love and meaning. 

**

The Doctor looked up at the stars, his shoulders slumped and his eyes blurred with tears. He knew that Amy and Rory were behind him, watching, and waiting. He wasn’t going to move though; he couldn’t. Everything dear to him in the universe, on this day, was either dead or gone from him. He had no inclination to move, nor will to stand. He would wait.

In the Ponds garden, forever and a day, he would wait if need be.

**

Amelia carefully edged her way out of the TARDIS doors. The room was vast and silent, the shadows spreading all the way across, except for where the box stood in a single ray of light. She could see the walls of books beyond, lurking in the shadows and she knew better than to approach them. She knew better than to leave the light.

She was treading dangerous waters, just by being there. And the guilt was slowly starting to settle in her gut, over having abandoned her father on Earth. But she couldn’t have taken him with her. He’d have tried too passionately to stop her. She didn’t need anyone, right now, that was going to try and stop her. 

She made her way silently towards the doors across the room. She knew where she needed to be and thanks to the TARDIS, she knew how to get there. Pulling the large maple-wood door open, she glanced back over her shoulder and the beautiful old girl with a smile. We can do this. The she promised her with her mind, feeling the warmth of the TARDIS settle there as she disappeared from sight.

They had a plan, the two of them, together. It was set. Amelia had to get to the computer core, the TARDIS was going to connect with CAL and Amelia was going to have to wait. There wasn’t much she could do, beyond that. Not until her mother’s body was returned to her and she had the moment to do the one thing her father would never agree to. 

Against his will, TARDIS had shown her. The TARDIS had given her the tools and they both knew that if he had the power within him, he’d have done the very same thing. But he was an old man with only so many centuries left. He didn’t have it to give. But she did. She had all of it and more. And besides that, she had the love that was needed, in order to give it. Her parents had gifted her the power, what was she if she didn’t use it to save them?

She’d seen her mother with that same love. She’d seen what her mother had sacrificed for the love of her father. She knew what it meant. And even as her hands shook, walking towards that ghastly throne that had taken her mother, she knew that she was going to do it. 

She could hear the TARDIS rematerialize behind her and she smiled as she felt that familiar breeze brushing her hair forward as the old girl appeared in the room and the entire computer core started to light up. The tall node ahead of her started to turn and she looked upon the angelic face of the young girl her father had only described. She smiled, looking down on Amelia with a knowledge that should have been beyond her. It only made Amelia believe that the young girl had ruled this silent world of books and knowledge for so many hundreds of years.

For a moment she believed that her mother could be happy there. She loved books and learning and she lived in the pages of her diary. But then she imagined her mother without the stars and her hearts literally started to hurt. She imagined her mother without the running and a tear escaped her eye. She looked over her shoulder at the TARDIS and heard the old girl hum; she knew exactly how she felt. There was no turning back.

She was going to save both of her parents today. She had to.

**

“Do you think he’s coming back inside?” Amy questioned as she stood at the kitchen window, watching the Doctor idly swinging on the old rickety swing-set in the backyard, his head turned up to the skies.

“I don’t think he’ll even consider it until that box reappears.”

“He’s taking this harder than I’ve seen him take anything.” Amy turned into Rory’s arms, her tears escaping as his arms wrapped around her shoulders.

“His wife is dead and his child has disappeared and for the first time in his long, long life, he’s powerless.” Rory sighed. “How do you think you’d react to that if you were him?”

“I know, Rory, but it’s getting so cold out there. I’m worried about him.”

“We have to trust him, Amy.”

“I don’t think we can.”

“Just give him time.”

**

Amelia’s hearts pounded as the lights brightened, blinding her with white light and filling the room with a warming glow. She only barely noticed CAL’s smile as she pressed her eyes closed against it. There was a beating, almost like a drum; four beats filling her mind and her hearts and she knew, instinctively, that her mother was back. She had always felt that connection to her, that drumming that was warming and comforting and safe. She could always feel her mother’s hearts beating along with her. The psychic connection of Timelords, her father had explained. But they were brand-new Timelords, her mother and her. It was different for them, everything was new. They couldn’t just sense when each other was near; she could sense how alive she was.

At the moment, it was just barely.

The lights faded, leaving her mother perched on the throne with a horrendous crown of wires rested on her head and linked cables in her lap, though her hands were limp around them. She dashed towards her, pressing her hands to her cheeks and meeting her eye for that brief moment it took her to let go completely. River’s eyes drifted closed and the drumming in Amelia’s soul stopped. She knew that it was going to happen, though she hadn’t ever realized that the loss would leave her so very empty. All the while she’d been in the computer core; the drumming had remained, though faint. But now, with her hands pressed to her mother’s cheeks and her eyes closed tight, Amelia felt as though she’d swallowed a black-hole and it was eating away at her from the inside.

She didn’t waste any time, she couldn’t. She let everything else disappear from her mind, she let all thoughts subside and all wants and dreams leave her, for nothing was more powerful than her want for her plan to work. The TARDIS had done her part, downloading River’s body from the mainframe, resting her back where the Doctor had last seen her. Now it was Amelia’s turn.

She placed her hands on either side of her mother’s face. She could feel the slow burn of the huon energy coursing through her veins as she held on tighter. The glow, starting deep within her and travelling up her arms, tingled as it filtered through her fingertips and into her mother.

River’s eyes opened as Amelia’s forehead touched hers. She begged her to stop, to let go; but Amelia ignored her much the way the Doctor had, so long ago. She knew what it felt like; she knew what was going to happen to her daughter. But she couldn’t stop it.

Brilliant ribbons of gold and orange light surrounded them, wrapping them up and pouring through them and River sobbed with the memory of it. When she had the strength, her arms reached up and she could see Amelia’s strength fading. Her daughter was falling, tumbling into her arms breathless as the light disappeared and they sat, bundled together on the throne with the tall node ahead of them.

“It is done.”

River looked up at CAL, the face of the young girl she’d come to care so much about in the short time she’d been there.

“Why did you let her do this? Why did you?” River asked, directing her emphasis at the TARDIS sitting silently in the corner. “She...” River sobbed, running her hands over Amelia’s curls; hugging her tight and kissing her temples. “She’s my child. How could either of you let her do this?”

“It was her wish. Her desire was too great to deny.” CAL smiled. “Your story isn’t over yet, River Song.”

River smiled through her tears, laughing with pride as her daughter’s eyes fluttered open and looked straight up at her, much the way she had the day she was born. “You silly girl.” River chastised, kissing her temple and Amelia just chuckled.

“I can’t wait to see Dad’s face.” They both laughed. Amelia struggled to get upright to hug her mother properly, but when she did she hugged with all she was worth. “I couldn’t imagine the universe without you, Mum. I couldn’t imagine Dad without you.”

“I love you.” River whispered into her daughter’s hair, hugging her tighter again and feeling the TARDIS spreading herself through both of their minds as though she were somehow part of the embrace.

And River agreed. She couldn’t wait to see the Doctor’s face.

The End.


End file.
